World Forums

The Queen has sent Camilla Parker Bowles a nice present to say sorry for not attending her wedding.


A trip to Paris with a car and chauffeur...

Least competent criminals:
(1) Amir Husain, 17, and Anthony Nauman, 18, who allegedly burglarized a home in Mundelein, Ill., in August, were easily tracked down by police after the pair decided to build a Web site and post photos of their loot for sale, along with their contact information.
(2) In the early morning hours of a July day on the Eastern Freeway in Doncaster, Australia, when a driver on a restricted permit was stopped for speeding (at the equivalent of more than 120 mph), he told the officer in apparent seriousness that he didn't realize the police worked that late. (We're a ''24-hour organization,'' said a police spokesman.)


Government in action: In August, police in London,
Ontario, informed the mother of a college student murdered in 1990 that they had recently solved the case and were certain that the perp was a man on parole at the time and who died in 1994. However, said police, they cannot reveal his name because of ''privacy laws.''


MORE GOVERNMENT IN ACTION

Mayor Felipe Santolia of Espertantina, Brazil, declared last May 9 as "Orgasm Day," pointing out that orgasms seem to make people happier and more productive.

Mayor Gabor Mitynan of a municipal district in Budapest, Hungary, declared in August that female workers should not wear revealing skirts to work unless they have "completely perfect legs," nor crop tops unless they have "well-trained bellies."

City council member Yvonne Lamanna, 58, filed a worker compensation claim this year against the city of Penn Hills, Pa., when she suffered a severe back injury as she took her seat at the Feb. 7 council meeting.

The chief minister of the Malaysian state of Kedah ordered all members of the Legislature from his party to learn how to catch snakes so they will be ready to help people in distress. "Otherwise," he said in June, "they will be standing there watching helplessly as victims cry (out)."



SUPER-CLUMSY PEOPLE

Evelyn Davison, 74, of Austin, Texas, filed a lawsuit in June against a neighbor who had failed to bring in her empty garbage can after a pickup. Davison discovered it in her driveway, and, attempting to move it by herself, she said she was seriously injured when she accidentally fell into it.

The Minnesota Court of Appeals sent a case back to trial in May, ruling that Jenell Casarez could indeed sue Amy and David Klema for injuries suffered as a guest in their home. According to the lawsuit, Casarez needed to use the bathroom, which was occupied by David, and so with Amy's acquiescence, went to the basement and attempted to relieve herself in a concrete laundry tub, but when she climbed on top, it tipped over and crushed her fingertips. (Alcohol was involved, according to the trial court.)

Chris Hackett, 33, built a small functional bomb that he was set to exhibit in the Lower Manhattan Cultural Council in New York City about the time of the Sept. 11 remembrances, but tried to assure worried exhibitors that it was only an art project and would not explode. Hackett is the artist who in January 2004 blew up part of his face when a propane tank exploded as he was hooking it up to fire a confetti cannon.


THE CONTINUING CRISIS
From a Legal Notice of a Name Change in the Honolulu Advertiser, Aug. 24: from "Waiaulia Alohi anail ke alaamek kawaipi olanihenoheno Kam Paghmani" to "Waiaulia Alohi anail ke alaamek kawaipi olanihenoheno Kam."

Try this at home:

Do a google search for "failure." What's the first entry? The second? Try "miserable failure" Same thing?

So no one took me up on the google offer...come on; give it a try.

I got on Google and instead of doing a search, hit the I'm feeling lucky tag. The bio of Dubya appeared, direct from the White House. Went back and did a search. No. 2 on the list is Michael Moore's site. What is Google trying to say?

Oh some computer geek put the fix in.

This is what I got when I did the google search for "failure"....

(1)Biography of President George W. Bush

(2) Welcome to MichaelMoore.com!:twisted:

Same result for "miserable failure". Bineaz you are a genius! :mrgreen:

Thanks Buzzz,

But If I were a true genius, I would reject that title, so please don't call me genius anymore (see my post on the Who's Who thread for a more appropriate nickname).

It is the last Monday in September. Bineaz has too much time on his hand. That will change next week.

Why does he have too much time on his hands and why would that change next week? Bineaz are you a teacher? Or is the wifey and the triplets coming home next week?

From time to time I have been accused of making some really useless posts, but that is NOT good enough and I want to be know as the person who made THE most useless post in board history!
hehehehe So here goes atempt #1

My list of the most useless facts part une
1. -Coca-Cola was originally green.
2. -The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910
3. -The youngest pope was 11 years old.
4. -Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades -King David, Clubs -Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds -Julius Caesar.
5. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
6 -Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
7 -Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
8 -The nursery rhyme Ring Around the Rosey is a rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring around the rosey..."), these sores would smell very badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores ("...a pocket full of poseys..."), People who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("...ashes, ashes, we all fall down!")
9 -Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, "L.A."
10 --The first episode of "Joanie Loves Chachi" was the highest rated American program in the history of Korean television. "Chachi" is Korean for "penis."
11. -It is illegal in the state of Kentucky to marry your wife's grandmother.
12 -Robert E. Lee wore size 4 1/2 shoe. (His poor wife! )
13. -Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabet Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.
14. Back in the days of pirate ships, women who were in labor would have both wrists tied to the cannons on the port and stern of the ship, respectively. The cannons were fired simultaneously. It was believed that the opposing recoils applied to the woman's body would assist the labor process, hence the term "Son Of A Gun" (personally, I think it would hurt like hell!). :!:
15. Ad waaaay back when..... As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year! (May & October) Women always kept their hair covered while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs. The wigs couldn't be washed so to clean them, they could carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

Just what I needed to know Buzzz. at some and at others.

Time on his hands.....

Unless I have his current job wrong, October, starting on the first Monday, is when things get very busy for Bineaz. But let him explain.

Well the Supreme Court opens a new term then; but it's really tangential to my job. And there's rarely something funny on my job.

I thought you covered the Supremes? Don't you summarize their opinions? BTW, what do you think of Roberts?

Sounds boring.... sorry.

My area of concentration, governement contracts, gets 1 maybe 2 opinions a year.

Roberts is alright by me for the most part. He has a lot of plusses. The ABA gave him a highly qualified.

I have far more than one or two opinions a year.

If you say so, but only this time and one other.

:P

Ali!

Which one are you?

What is it they say at Halliburton:?:

There's no business, like no bidness.

I'm not sure they still bother bidding:)

Eugene - That's Wenger and Pires, I wouldn't cum in my hand and throw it at 'em!

Fuquit wrote:I wouldn't cum in my hand and throw it at 'em!

ewwww..... thanks for the visual.

Fuquit wrote:Eugene - That's Wenger and Pires, I wouldn't cum in my hand and throw it at 'em!

So, you're the doggie then?

Jay Leno

Good gossip this week – according to the "National Enquirer”, President Bush has started drinking again...boy he’ll do anything to get Ted Kennedy’s support for his Supreme Court nominee.


Good news - the price of gasoline dropped this week. No wonder Dick Cheney was in the hospital.

John Kerry said he was never clear about where John Roberts stood on the issues and for that reason he’s not voting for him. That’s the same reason Roberts didn’t vote for Kerry.

Hillary Clinton has announced she is going to vote no on Judge Roberts. Today Bill Clinton told John Roberts "Don’t take it personally, I get no from her all the time.”

We had a huge rain storm here in Los Angeles yesterday. Lightening…thunder… it’s tough living in Beverly Hills when it rains. Nobody from FEMA shows up. You know, I think George Bush doesn’t care about rich, white people.

bahrump'pa

THE MOST USELESS POST OF ALL TIME QUEST - PART DUEX

1. The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad!
2. Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!
3. Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia!
4. In south east asia only Thailand was never colonised.
IN 1900 USA...
5. the expected life span of the average american male was 47 years.
6. ANd the income range at that time was between $200-$400 a year.
7. Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound
8. The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.
9. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school
10 Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at Corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." (Don't be stupid enough to try it).
11. There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.
12. More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home

Did you know?
Walt Disney was an alcoholic?

Nintendo is over 100 years old??

during a really bad hail storm in Mississippi (1894), an ice ball containing a turtle fell to the ground?

on an average day, Americans make over 43 million credit card purchases?

when you flush the toilet, the air inside the toilet shoots 10 feet high?

the slipper-shelled snail starts life as a male and gradually turns female as it grows up?

that cat pee glows in the dark?

cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten?

the average person spends a total of 3 years on the toilet throughout his life?

the original reason people carry flowers at weddings was because they used to bathe less than 3 times a year and they didn't want to smell?

Eskimoes have more than 40 words for snow

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes

Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump".

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

No president of the United States was an only child

Elephants can't jump.

Momma Needs New Clothes

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Oklahoma arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,

"Come on, baby, Momma needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed...
"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL - Not all Okies are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

I received this email from a friend today:

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Shut up. You know it's funny.

Questions Not To Ask In Foreign Lands

By
Gerhard Reinke

IRELAND
“Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk?
This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?”

FRANCE
“Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that?
Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?”

ITALY
“Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus?
I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ”

POLAND
“Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?”

GERMANY
“Is this bratwurst kosher?”

TURKEY
“Where’s the hash at?
It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?”

KOREA
“Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”

CHINA
“This wall isn’t so great.”

ENGLAND
“Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?”

SWEDEN
“Do you have any normal meatballs?
Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”

YEMEN
“Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean -- ‘Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?”

INDIA
“You don’t live in teepees?
Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?”

ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!”

CANADA
“You’re like Americans without money.”

SPAIN
“So, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow.
Your women can shave if they want to, right?
Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?”

SOUTH AFRICA
“I liked it better the other way.”

MEXICO
“What's that smell?”

SAUDI ARABIA
“Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car?
Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?”

RUSSIA
“Is it always this cold and economically devastated?”

UZBEKISTAN
“Can you spell Uzbekistan?”

GREECE
“I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."

AFGHANISTAN
“Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?”

JAPAN
“What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?”

AUSTRALIA
“How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?”

AMERICA
“Was John Wayne gay?”

You Can't Say Your Tax Dollars Are Just "Wasted"...

Yeah, like this won't get thrown out of court:

Sued for not giving orgasms

A Brazilian woman is suing her partner for not giving her orgasms.

According to Terra Noticias Populares reports the unnamed 31-year-old filled a complaint at Chacar Urbana Police station in Jundiai.

She complained that her 38-year-old partner reached an orgasm and then simply stopped the sexual intercourse.

Police chief Jose Roberto Ferraz is investigating the case.

Police spokesperson said: "We will look into it, we will treat it as an ordinary complaint and let the judge decide."


Beats wearing a helmet.

Motorcycle airbag designed

A company from Santiago Chile is selling airbags for motorcycle drivers.

The airbag comes inside a jacket that looks just like an ordinary jacket.

Luis Valenzuela product manager of United Motors told Las Ultimas Noticias: "At first sight they look nothing different but they are made with special fabric and they are totally padded.

"They have many bags inside that can be inflated and they keep the whole upper body protected.

"It has been tested and it has saved many lives already."

No reason to test France, I suppose.

Brummies are Britain's rudest

Brummies are the rudest people in Britain, a survey has revealed.

Geordies are the politest, closely followed by Scousers.

Researchers went undercover to measure the civility of residents in eight cities around the country, subjecting them to a series of "courtesy tests".

They checked whether shop assistants said please and thank you, and whether people going into public buildings held the door for those behind them.

Drivers were observed to see if they thanked those who let them into rush-hour traffic from side roads, while passers by were assessed for their willingness to stop and help someone who had dropped their shopping.

The research for Readers Digest magazine found that Britons overall were polite 59% of the time, but that in Newcastle the figure was 77%.

Liverpool came second with 70%, while Birmingham came bottom with residents managing common courtesy on just 43% of occasions.

The other cities tested were Exeter, Cardiff, London, Southampton and Edinburgh.

The north emerged as politer than the south in the tests, each of which was carried out ten times in each city.

Tune in to Badr and Omar

The Simpsons head to the Middle East

The Simpsons has been re-branded in the MIddle East as The Shamsoons.

TV bosses have made several changes so that characters are more acceptable to Muslims.

Homer has been renamed Omar and scenes of him drinking Duff beer and eating pork have been cut.

Bart has been renamed Badr reports The Sun.

The show's catchphrases including "Doh!", and "Aye carumba!" will stay.

Dubai-based satellite network MBC is screening episodes twice a day.


Run Buzzz!

Married 162 times - and still wants more

A Bosnian pensioner who claims to have been married 162 times has said he wants to marry at least another 100 women.

Nedeljko Ilincic, 75, from Milosevac in Bosnia and Herzegovina, said he first got married when he was 15 and since then it has been "just one wife after another".

He said he now plans to see if his "feat" is worthy of a place in the Guinness Book of Records.

The former waiter, who has 14 children from different marriages, told local weekly Svet: "I first got married when I was only 15.

"I did it mainly because my parents wanted me to marry a woman named Joka, even though she was 20 years older than me, because her family was rich.

"I soon divorced her though because I didn't like her and after that it was just one wife after another. I seemed to be getting either married or divorced all the time.

"The length of the marriages was always different, sometimes I'd spend a few years with my wife, other times it would just be a week. I must hold the record though."

And the former waiter, who is currently single, said that at 75 he had not lost his appetite for marriage.

He said: "I'm still very popular with the ladies. At the moment there are two I could choose from, Janja and Dragica, who are both from Gradacac in Bosnia and Herzegovina, and I've heard one of my ex-wives Petra also wants me back.

"I may be getting on a bit, but I'm not ready to give up on love just yet. Another 100 marriages would probably calm me down."

Not all Brazlians are soccer players.

Cool record for Brazilian

A Brazilian man has broken his own world record for being buried in ice.



Gilberto Cruz, 42, from Ribeirao Preto, stayed in the ice for one hour, six minutes and 24 seconds.

He performed the stunt in a transparent box in a shopping mall in the city with only his head out of the ice.

Mr Cruz is from a poor background and says he makes a living out of breaking records, Terra Noticias Populares reports.

He claims to have previously completed 14,000 press-ups in four and a half hours, stayed awake for 100 hours, managed a full hour without blinking and ironed clothes for 42 hours.

Man's best friend--HAH.

Suspect caught by his own dog

A criminal who gave police the slip when they turned up to arrest him was caught after cops used his own dog to sniff out his hiding place.

Police from Hannover in Germany came to arrest the 22-year-old man over allegations of involvement in a series of burglaries.

But he fled out the back door and hid in the neighbours' garden as police with a search warrant came in the front door.

But the man left behind his American Staffordshire Bull Terrier named Lumpi, and quick thinking police gave the dog the order to seek his owner out.

The dog sped into the next door garden and stood wagging its tail near the place where its owner was hiding in the bushes.

The man is now in custody, while Lumpi was handed over to the man's relatives to look after.

Palo can finally book his tickets for the WC.

Giant World Cup brothel opens

A giant brothel set to cater for tens of thousands of football fans at next year's World Cup in Germany is opening its doors in Berlin.

Built just yards from the main stadium, its owner believes the three-storey Artemis brothel will be a big hit with World Cup visitors.

Norman Jacob, lawyer for the private investor who wishes to remain anonymous, said: "Football and sex go together extremely well."

Prostitutes wanting to use the facility also have to pay £50 to "rent" a room there for three months. For that price they get free meals and access to the Artemis gym.

Prostitutes negotiate their own fees with clients who must also pay an entrance fee of £50 to enter the complex, which has rooms for more than 100 girls as well as a sauna and lap dancing bar.

What was that Ali whispered in Fergusen's ear?

Fergie: 'Don't blame Wayne - he's a Scouser'

Sir Alex Ferguson claimed Wayne Rooney has a "chip on his shoulder" because he's a Scouser.

He made the astonishing remark while speaking at a supporters' club meeting.

Fergie was asked about the temperament of the England star who was sent off last week for sarcastically applauding in the referee's face.

Fergie said: "Rooney's from Liverpool and everyone from that city has a chip on their shoulder, so if an injustice is done to him on the pitch, of course he is going to react."

One fan at the event at Old Trafford said: "Most people laughed but some thought it was a bit insensitive to make a such a remark just a few hours before the match against Liverpool.

"A couple of people afterwards said they found the remark was crass but others just thought it was a joke."

A club spokesman said the remark at the confidential annual meeting was "clearly in jest".

It's true, Scousers are paranoid and obsessed with being sad.

Recently a dead chicken was discovered in an alley in the shithole and some bright spark said it was a baby.

Lots of people left flowers and little notes.

LOL@Bineaz! I would love to be in the court room when that "no orgasm" case goes to trial! hehehehe