World Forums

Bravo Falc!

Bineaz - I can't take credit, just passing along an email that I received but it is amazing. It all has to do with the formula and if you do it again and plug a different number (times you like to dine out), it will work the same.

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine....

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at EVERYTHING she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

'Good trade.....

The world's most expensive cup of coffee sells for almost $100 (proceeds go to a good cause). What's the secret…."it's made from partially digested beans recovered from the droppings of the civet cat, a native of Indonesia." That's right it's made with cat shit.

stupid Muslims...

I saw that on the Discovery channel.

No diiferent than all the American idiots that pay hundreds of dollars to eat little eggs that smell like shit or 1000 for a bottle of wine.

They have the money.

Actual Post and Response from Craigslist New York City

**********************************************************
THE ORIGINAL POST

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.

I'm not from New York . I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.



THE RESPONSE

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.

Now, that's a crack up.

Falc wrote:Many of you have probably seen this one before but it is still interesting to read ....

History mystery

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head .

Now it gets really weird ......

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeededLincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat .....

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker ...

A week before Lincolnwas shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with (in) Marilyn Monroe.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.



Not true.

Quote:

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Also not true, Booth was born in 1838.

Quote:

A week before Lincolnwas shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

Although a funny punchline, Monroe died over a year before Kennedy did

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

From a story that was as an anecdote in an article by swedish middleeast correspondent Cordelia Edvardsson recently about Israel's 60 years celebration about the concept of "sionism", what different impact different people gives to it and how they understand it. I've rephrased it somewhat.

Falc and Leonid were out and played at a backyard nearby The Holy See, eventually they had grown a fascination for abstract concepts and often dwelled about that. Eventually they argued about the same as well.
Falc said to Leonid: "You don't know what real love is."
Leonid answered: "Sure I do."
Falc replied: "I'm certain you don't."
Leonid answered, somewhat angered over the postulation of him being inferior: "Can you imagine i actually do, it's when the grown ups turn out the light late in the evening and start to talk to eachother in a low voice and using the German language!!!"

The story is an old one and Edvardsson used it in her article since it's a good illustration of that a considerable part of those that arrived to Israel were jews that came from Germany and brought with them the traditional euro-german traditions and a considerable part of them had little interest in even learning hebrew. A lot of them had not even identified themselves as jews, but rather as various christians until german authorities had found some jewish back in their bloodlines and declared them as jews. This for illustrating something about the inner conflict Israel carries (and perhaps must be dealt with if one ever shall be able to deal with external enemies in any lasting schedule).

In what way does that relate to this thread Lillie?

LOL

When Grandma Goes To Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked,

'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,

'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

Yeah I saw that today in the local paper. Too funny.

Frank Sinatra's take on myspace:

http://americancomedynetwork.com/animat ... t_id=25239

It's been pretty serious around here--appropriate for severe times--but here're a few items to lighten things up:

Man charged with farting at policeman

A US man has been charged with assault after he allegedly broke wind on a police officer. Police say they were fingerprinting Jose Cruz, 34, when he moved near Patrolman T.E. Parsons, lifted his leg and passed gas "loudly" on the officer.
Cruz then allegedly waved the air in the direction of Parsons, who was preparing a breath test machine at South Charleston police HQ, West Virginia. "The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint says.
Cruz, of Clarksburg, had just been arrested under suspicion of drink driving after police saw him driving without headlights, reports the Charleston Daily Mail. Officers said he was unsteady on his feet and smelled of alcohol when they pulled him over. Cruz was charged with drink driving, assaulting a police officer and obstruction.

Cannabis smoker fined for tobacco

A cannabis smoker was fined by Dutch police - because his joint contained tobacco. Holland has kept its liberal policy on cannabis smoking in the country's "coffee shops", even after a public smoking ban was introduced in Dutch cafes and restaurants last July. An Amsterdam police spokesman admitted it could be difficult to understand the current policy of allowing smokers to puff away on pure cannabis while fining tobacco users, reports the Daily Telegraph.
"For logic it is sometimes impossible to explain, even to the Dutch," he said. "The man was not fined for smoking a cannabis joint but for smoking. You can smoke cannabis but not tobacco in coffee shops." The 27-year-old man owns one of the city's coffee shops, where the purchase and smoking of cannabis is tolerated, and he is expected to contest the case in court.
It will be the first test of a Dutch smoking ban that exempts people from enjoying joints as long as only pure marijuana is used. The man was caught lighting a hand rolled cannabis joint during a routine police check and fined because officers found tobacco mixed with the soft drug. The smoking ban is usually enforced by municipal health and safety inspectors "but if a police officer signals an infringement, he does not close his eyes to it," said the police spokesman.

Man fined for putting out wife's cat

A man has been fined £400 for throwing his wife's cat out of the house for urinating in his briefcase. Laura Marchesi set animal rights campaigners on husband Allessandro for putting her cat Ivano out on the balcony. She contacted the Italian Animal and Environment Defence Association which found her lawyers specialising in similar cases.
Mrs Marchesi told them she had found the cat shivering with cold and hungry after spending the night trying to get back into their Parma apartment. Now a court has ordered Mr Marchesi to pay his wife £400 for vets' expenses and emotional damage. Mrs Marchesi said: "I am so pleased with all the help from the lawyers.
"I love my cat very, very much and what happened to it affected me deeply. It is only fair that I receive some compensation." It is unclear what effect the row has had on the couple's relationship.

Not sure if this is a good thing but at least stupidity in the legal world is beyond the U.S. borders.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, ''Do you know me?'' To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

lol

an update from that story a few messages back. That assault charge for passing gas on that officer has been withdrawn. It turns out the prisoner had been complaining about needing to go to the bathroom for a few minutes before the incident.

An email that was forwarded to me .....


The Three Little Pigs


Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.

'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.

'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.

'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy, 'But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'

.

.

.

You're gonna LOVE me for this....

.

.

.

The third piggy says -

'Well, somebody has to go

.

'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

.

.

Aren't you sorry I have your email address?????

How about that?

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is friend cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and I betcha' you cannot resist passing it on.

That's for idiots without library cards nor girlfriends.

Where terrorists get all the stuff they need:

Link

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: You betcha he crossed the road, but let's not talk about that, let's talk about energy policy, and how gosh darn hard it is for a middle-class hockey mom to manage the budget of the only state in America with a massive surplus, especially while surrounded by countless Russian and Canadian chickens we have to keep an eye on.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken... What is your definition of crossing?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain... alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

LMAO

hehehe

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

continued .......

MATE: The chicken crossed the road because he wanted to hang out with the elitist Ivy Leaguers!

BINEAZ: The chicken crossed the road because the billy goat crossed from the other direction.

PALO: The chicken crossed the road because it was the only opening across the border.

PENTA: Dunga was making the chicken's side too pedestrian and the other side was dancing the samba.

LEO: The chicken got tired of his wealth being redistributed so he crossed the road to hold on to it.

PRAMZAN: The chicken's brother-in-law was driving him crazy each time Juventus won on a Del Piero free kick.

CASATI: George Steinbrenner built a new Yankee Stadium on the chicken's side of the road.

PIERO (UAGLIO): The chicken married an English lass and crossed the Atlantic.

LILLIE: The chicken gave her reason but no one could understand what she was trying to say.

MARKO (ARCADE FIRE): The chicken is still trying to find Wall Street.

BUZZ: The chicken wanted to rent a DVD movie.

WINDYCITY: Someone told the chicken that Jaap Stam's PK against Italy in the E2K semifinal finally left orbit and fell on the other side.

ALI: A Chilean hen broke the chicken's heart.

EUGENE: The chicken's sister-in-law was calling from the other side.

TOO COLD: The chicken was following the sexy avatar with her ass up in the air.

SURNAMI: Palo was offering the chicken a pair of shoes.

PABS: The chicken did not like the make up of the neighborhood any longer.

FELIX: There was a church on the other side of the road.

CAMPI: The chicken will find any excuse to visit Madrid.

RED FURY: The chicken crossed the road to leave the headaches of the forum to Falc.

AIRCAL: The chicken is still trying to pin down the Peruvian hen Palo recommended.

BOYE: With the election of Barack Obama, America may finally become the the socialist nation the chicken predicted in the CLPT.

TRONCHE: The chicken found a better selection of cartoons to post.

HURRICANE: This chicken crossed the road in such a huff that we never saw her again.

FALC: A new Dunkin Donuts opened across the street.

Falc@LOL

lol

especially about Penta. LMAO @ Dunga being pedestrian, hahahahaha

And of course about palo and the border.

ps: 'Arcade Fire' is not 'markino'

Your right, I need to edit it to Marko (Mark).

what about the Idiot chicken lives in canada and loves black cocks and hates himself for it?

That's right, stay away from those billy goats.

Brilliant Falc. Bravo

I disagree. He is a moron. Why did falc cross the road? because there was a black man on his side of the drinking fountain. :-)

Which circle of hell do you belong in?

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv

I was surprised (becasue I was honest), but I was one of the lucky ones. I've avoided eternal damnation in Purgatory.

I doubt that.

Takes one to know one.