World Forums

Many of you have probably seen this one before but it is still interesting to read ....

History mystery

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head .

Now it gets really weird ......

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeededLincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat .....

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker ...

A week before Lincolnwas shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with (in) Marilyn Monroe.

Interesting... some personas grow popular and their names become as such naming buildings, cars etc.

Interesting email that I received ...

To all my friends & family who in 2007 sent me best wishes, chain letters, angel letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something...

NONE OF THAT SHIT WORKED!

For 2008, could you please just send money, beer, wine, chocolate, movie tickets or gasoline vouchers and airline tickets instead?

Thank you!

LOL @ Falc. Hell, send me a hooker, but not one for 4500 Dollars. I can only afford 40 on a good day.

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything... Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time , day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said,

"Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head no.

"Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms?"

Again, little Zachary shook his head no.

"WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"

Little Zachary looked at her and said,

"Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

FORWARD THIS TO ANYBODY WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH.

LOL at your fondness for heresy.

It's called blasphemy, not heresy, chiapas dolt:)

In modern English, a writer has the ultimate responsibility to choose words to convey what he wants to say. Blasphemy would imply that I take Falc seriously. Hersy has more to do with beaing agsint what is normally taught by the Church. I understand your concern though, you're not a native English speaker.

My fondness is a sense of humor.

Agente,

you can abide to parenthood and christianity all you want. A lot of humour (and I'd say often the best) have pretty serious undertones. To paraphrase islamic sufi tradition (and God is generally believed to be one and the same in the major religions...aside of perhaps india with the hindus and all). You may see the seagulls flying over the sea and the foam formed on the waves but can you discern what is at the bottom of the ocean?

Also about traditions and such, they say that elaphants have good memory and is therfore used as an allegorical statue of example for describing what also is used as "the stripes doesn't leave a zebra (or perhaps not a Yankee)" They say that you can capture an elephant and bring it from his continent in wires and chains and it may humbly walk with you without much trouble but if it get a sense of "home" it has all the inherent power to tear asunder the chains and start to walk back to hindustan...and next is a passus that I find somewhat remarkable and do not really understand if it has anything to do with the elephant because the exact quote is "but the ass does not long for any Hindustan".

I think "blasphemy" might be the right chose of word to carachterise Falc's story. Christianity is poplarly labeled as "goodness" and their God claiming to be "almighty" (if He has requested that people shall have no other Gods than Him it also indicate that there
i may
exist other Gods but that he expects people not to worship them).
To say that God is "cruel" is often considered "blasphemy" but how do you label the fact that God let his alleged son (and a bastard one to it) to suffer a painful death nailed to a cross?

Similarly, I don't recall the names of them but there was according to islamic tradition a poet in persia that was widely known as bringing joy and love and delivering his messages in rhymed verses that is still used in some traditions in the typical "a a x a" rhyme form.
When he died in 1047 he bestowed all that to someone whose name i similarly does not recall to a person that was similar in some ways but was fundamentally different in that how he proceeded was quite more stern and instead of having the effect of spreading messages of love (akin to Spitzers "love" for smallsavers which he motivated his crusades with at times)... this one follower in Persia delivered messages stucked into to "repentance".

And for "repentance", some have often (in attempt to mock me?) made fun of that my somewhat shady background (but not with a criminal record since I was never tried in a criminal court) that i am not able to go to USA which is somewhat a lost joke. I don't really fancy traveling and, for recalling old buddy Glenn Saying that Loder (which translates to "slut" in danish) told him I look like a horse, standing here in my own country and scraping dust by the banks of our country's "River of Babylon".
And since people (Payman among others) say that I look impossible to sell I suppose I can not be a "cow" in the financial analyst device "BCG matrix" and thereby you can not beat me for looking at you as if you were an idiot if you ask me to carry a yoke.

All logical and rational yet still solid planted in "good and honest faith"...So there you have.

Did you say "native", pissing chavez? ROFL

"Responsibility in the modern English" was even funnier. You're such an amicable dunce.

In between mopping floors in your local library for illegal pissologists, steal the Bible from the shelf, fu.cking degenerate:)

Perhaps this belongs in the joke thread also...the lady Spitzer hired is in some news telling her story about her "affair" with Spitzer. I don't know if you really can call it an "affair" if the consumer according to wire transcripts obviously needs to be reminded what she looked like despite allegedly having hired her several times. But perhaps she's young despite being "an adult" and have this romanticized "Pretty Woman" idea about it being something other than a conveniant available commodity.

that would also be something i could mainly have against it, from a perspectiv of law equaling moral sentiments. Often guys seem to complain about the legislation (but few wants to go in public and demonstrate against it for some reason9. Similarly, even pornmodels and actors and prostitutes seem more often striving to try and call it something else than what it is, especially as soon as they see a glimpse of a chance of being famous and "deserving of respect" which would indicate they have moral objections themselves against what they are doing.

There's a swedish gay guy who made a couple of gay films some years ago and I think he wrote a book as well. He's dad is a rather known bankman who has been connected in politics as well. And the guy is totally open about it and doesn't try and call it something else, that is respectworthy even if a lot of people think he's annoying and seem to believe that he can't have a lot of seriously terrific qualifications on his CV otherwise. But i suppose the gay scene is different even compared to "equal liberals", a gay guy who recognizes him would think it's cool but while a lot of straight men who would spot a female eqvivalent would sneer.

can you stop writing all your nonse and multiple posts. Are you manic or something?


Leopold:

Google "Modern English language usage".

Damn, you guys really know how to ruin a joke. It is about a little kid and his reaction/perception of what he saw. I told the joke to my mom and her friend last night and they could not stop laughing. Come on, put together the boy's math issues and the plus sign. It all adds up.

I laughed pretty hard. My reply was also one of mocked shcok. I enjoy Catholic/Christian jokes as much as any Jew. :-)


BTW, have you heard theone abot Judas and Cornflakes?

Nope. But here is an old one that shows more of my heretic/blasphemous character ...

The pastor was looking for a new altar boy to serve the High Mass every Sunday and had three candidates. To determine who would be picked, the pastor asked each boy the same question:

What is the true meaning of Easter?

The first boy said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

The pastor sent him away.

The second boy said, "Easter is when we dress in green and eat corned beef and cabbage.

The pastor sent the boy out of his office.

Finally, the third candidate walked in and told the pastor he knew what the meaning of Easter is.

"Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Jesus was buried in a tomb behind a very large boulder.

The pastor thought to himself, "Finally, a worthy candidate."

Then the boy continued, "After the third day, the boulder was rolled away. If Jesus stepped out and saw his shadow, then winter will last for six more weeks."

that was funny Falc.

Damn, you guys really know how to ruin a joke.

I'm glad you're clear about that, you guys.
I'm sure they can ruin a yoke by themselves too. Just as Leonid fails to grasp why the old man may have been angry with Sarko (known for having his head up in the clouds more often than what's really healthy for him) and misinterpreted the whole situation.

What a lot of others laugh at is that sarko likes cows sometimes and the old man has perhaps noticed that little (literally) Sarky has tried to get a horse to carry the yoke. The horse could at an initial stage very well carried the yoke and done it with much bravado but a couple of guys thought some hindu cows deserved it better for theyu werer so cuddly and cute. So when the useless hindustamped cows (heck, people starve and they're not even allowed to eat the fu'cking cows) you think you can come dragging with a wrecked yoke to a horse?!?!?
Sorry, the time has ran out for the horse to be able to do something about it by all standards, legal, criminal honour or religious, pick your poison and swallow it to the bottom. I suppose there's some apartments to sell and the municipal authorities can take care of yours and the hindu calves as well.

And it's been like this for an eternity, if Russia's (or America's or England,s) richest man go down the drain it's not much to start next world war for. There will be another richest man in Russia.

[/b]

Did you say "Google"? As in Sergey Brin's Google. He's a Jew from Russia, not a palurinator from Mexico.

Nice try, bucketeer -

yawn. You make no sense Jew Boy.

Sticking with the Catholic theme ...

THE GOLFING NUN .......

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'

'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.'

'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?'

'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'

'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!'

'Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother -540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.

And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight !'

'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!'

'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!

'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.

'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'

'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.

'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

'You missed the f**king putt, didn't you?'

he he

I thought this was a joke thread so people could post funny stuff.

But then that effing bore lillie comes along and takes a joke seriously and produces another 4 posts of complete utter bullshit, fcuking boring verbal diarrhea.

hey lillie, what time you are back on the streets? Aren't you late?

heard the one about Judas and the Bread?

easy there, Tim Whatley...

Well, Jesus and the Apostles are on a journey through the desert. After a long walk, Jesus asks the Apostles to grab some rocks to carry for them but doe not -as usual- explain the reason. All of the Apostles grab good size rocks, as big and heavy as they could carry. Judas-being Judas- grabs a couple of small pebbles and carries on- after another long and tedious walk Jesus gathers the Apostles and prays- tehy are hungry after a long fast- and with a quick movement of hius hands miraculously turns the rocks into bread. All the ASpostles eat well- but Judas.

Needless to say, he is pissed.

After a power-nap Jesus again motions to start the trek across the desert and once again asks the Apostles to grab some rocks. This time Judas was ready. He grabs a huge boulder and walks with it as he could, determined not to go hungry and be outdone by his felow -but more faithful- desciples. They walk all night and after sunrise, Jesus again- gathers them and blesses the rocks- and announces- go ahead and put your rocks down- it's breakfast time- but this morning I decided we're going to eat these boxes of CornFlakes I've been carrying with me.

Indeed Peyman. I am a bore and I don't mind either, you are such a better joke than many aother can ever dream about becoming...haven't you found a good cross to hang on yet...shall we call you Mr PeyBayJesus?

what time you are back on the streets? Aren't you late?

Well, if you've sold your mom there don't expect me go look for a replacement for ya...I might find it more rewarding to pick up the money she wasted on various gangs and such.

ouch

The thread is not funny anymore.

There's this little white kid and he's eating some chocolate cake that his mother made for him. With her back towards him, he grabs some of the cake and smears it on his face and says, "Mommy, mommy! Look, I'm a black kid!"

His moms gets very upset and slaps him across the face and says "Don't ever say that. Go tell your father what you've done."

So, the sad little boy goes over to his father, smears more cake on his face and says, "Daddy, daddy. Look! I'm a black kid!"

His dad gets even more mad, and slaps his son across the face and says, "Go tell your grandfather what you've done!"

So, the little boy smears the final little bit of cake on his face and goes to his grand dad and says, "Grandpa, grandpa. Look! I'm a black kid!"

His grandpa gets EXTREMELY upset and slaps him too, then sends him to his mother again. Finally.

So, the mother sits him down and says, "So, what have you learned young man?"
To which, the little boy replied, "I've learned that I've only been black for 5 minutes, and already I hate you white people."

Hey man, where have you been?

How is life?

How are my tapes fool?

AirCal - LOL - Be careful, Palo may report you as a racist.

Well, he is full blooded Purepecha Mexican.

agentesecreto wrote:Well, he is full blooded Purepecha Mexican.

hahahahha. Shit man, I lost the link after the World Cup. I had emailed Penta but i didn't hear back from him. Just finishing up school, graduating with a B.S. in Justice Studies Administration. The tapes still work... and remarkably I still have a working VCR. How you doing? Still living in that sunny suburb of LA?

Hey my man. I still live the same life. 1 wife, 2 kids, 3 dogs in the same neighborhood doing the same shit daily. Still fighting the right wingers here.

YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT






Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but your waiter may know!






YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH



This is pretty neat


DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!


It takes less than a minute.
Work this out as you read.


Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!


This is not JUST one of those waste of time things, it's A FUN, SCRATCH YOUR HEAD WONDERING HOW IT WORKS waste of time things. ;)




1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)


2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)




3. Add 5


4. Multiply it by 50




5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758...
If you haven't, add 1757.


6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number.






The first digit of this was your original number (how many times you want to go out to eat in a week). . .




The next two numbers are . . .


YOUR AGE


(Oh YES, it is!)




THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS

that's fucked up.