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I didn' know Mexicans were that much romantic with women

he he

tronche wrote:I didn' know Mexicans were that much romantic with women

If Palo wants hair there is a couple of hair brushes in the bathroom he can have. You should see him come on to lillie!

Bad lawyer joke (what other kind is there):

A successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche, his lights flashing. But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life "

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"

"OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer.

….


….


….


….

"MY ROLEX!"

hehehehehehe

How was the cop able to see the accident while eating a donut and drinking his coffee?

Falc wrote:How was the cop able to see the accident while eating a donut and drinking his coffee?

LOL!!!

God and the Harley

A man riding on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she is thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothings wrong, and how can I
make a woman truly happy?"

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

The Schitt Family
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says,

'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt,

And they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six chidren, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

LOL

Any relation to the Merda family?

Falc wrote:LOL

Any relation to the Merda family?

You mean the ones that live in Paris on Rue de Merde?

couldn't resist...

I'll begin by saying that I could care less for Paris Hilton or whichever celebrity, but Sarah Silverman went way too far on this one. This is taking it way too far. (this happened a couple of months ago)

you can tell Paris Hilton went from being bothered to really pisssed off. Jack Nicholson seemed to enjoy it though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dg9mK_CezzU

Sar Silverman is just one classy Jew.

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said.
"Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.

"Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when I start?"

he he

What's Worse?

No matter how you figure this, this guy's got real trouble. Real life really is funnier than make-believe. Story from the Houston Medical Center:

A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.

According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep.

I don't know what's worse:

1) Having your girl friend find out you're married,

2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis, or

3) Finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

LOL

LOL

he he

an Oldie but a Goodie -- Iraqi Minister of Information

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXl1GkWWGmA

Have some quotes from Christians:

There's no need to take care of the planet. We are living in the end days. Any day now, Jesus is coming back. I doubt that God could have so badly designed our beautiful planet in such a way that it wouldn't last us. Global Warming is just scientific babble designed to get our minds off Jesus

A movie review:

-Portrayal of a child having the desire to annihilate as a normal and acceptable desire.
-rule by fear and intimidation.
-gross examination of a dog to determine its gender.
-masked violence (hearing the sounds after display of activities which logically end in violence).
-abduction and imprisonment to control and to gain unlawful entry.
-firey endangerment of humans.
-display of electric shock to private regions.

Of 101 Dalmations!!

Reading this had me almost laughing to tears:

" ... But my celebration of "America's favorite pastime" will take place next Friday, when I observe the 50th anniversary of an event that stands unequaled in the history of Major League Baseball. It will be never replicated in my lifetime. Bonds's feat notwithstanding, my enthusiasm is reserved for next Friday, even if I'm the only one in America raising a toast.

The date was Aug. 17, 1957. Location: the City of Brotherly Love. The Philadelphia Phillies were playing the New York Giants.

Richie Ashburn, longtime Phillies center fielder and a future Hall of Famer, was in the batter's box.

Ashburn hit Phillies fan Alice Roth with foul balls twice in the same at bat.

The first foul broke her nose. Play was stopped while Roth was administered to. When the game resumed, Ashburn fouled off the first pitch -- and the ball struck Alice Roth while she was being carried out on a stretcher.

That, I submit, was one of the great moments in baseball.

..."

From King at WP

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 01606.html

Further proof it takes a Philly fan of any kind to have something stupid like that happening.

Drinks Show Your Personality

Before you order a drink in public, you should read this!

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could 'nail' a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

PART A: WOMEN-DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink..................

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

---------------------------------------------

PART B: MAN-DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!

THEN, there is the MALE addendum -- The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:


Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid .

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay

Falc wrote:Drinks Show Your Personality

Before you order a drink in public, you should read this!

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could 'nail' a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

PART A: WOMEN-DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink..................

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

---------------------------------------------

PART B: MAN-DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!

THEN, there is the MALE addendum -- The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:


Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid .

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay

How about vodka?

How about vodka?

From my experience, she turns out to be a bitch.

And so does he?

Warning not for the faint of heart or hetrosexuals.

What to do with Michael Vick.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/32887/

that's just fuking nasty. I hope to God I never go to prison.

here's one that is less harmless. You sort of know what is going to happen, but it goes one step further. Talk about adding insult to injury.

http://mediacenter.gazzetta.it/MediaCenter/action/player?uuid=afc9e16e-500d-11dc-935a-0003ba99c667&navName=2&idCanale=Sport_Vari

Neg rep to Bineaz - that was sick.

Pos rep to Pabs.

pos & neg reps ?

what do you think this is ? bigsoccer ?

Pabs wrote:pos & neg reps ?

what do you think this is ? bigsoccer ?

LOL - It was the only thing I could think of at the time. I would not mind seeing more of the blonde on the pole, especially with a little less to wear.

the older brunette had reason to be pissed.

If you look, the blonde inadvertedly unwraps her feet from the pole. Then LAUGHS !!

Yes but why was the dumb bitch not holding onto the pole with her hands. The whole point of the exercise is to spread your legs, not clamp them up.

I would not mind seeing more of the blonde on the pole, especially with a little less to wear.

Lol.....well, there was a peroxide blonde spread girl who died her hair back to her natural colour (which seems to be brown) when she went to USA to to pose in a MB and bitch and moan. As well I'd sure would rather see her (and people like her) on the pole rather than having any real significance and influence in society (whichever society)...theres plentu of irrational hatred from both men and PMS biatches already in the world.

....and if you allow me a very un-pc and sardonic comment...I'm all for an equal opportunity between the genders....a slight amount of sound violence made my dad a better person so is it really rational to have someone like Stan Collymore condemned for that what happened on a Parisian bar in 1998?

I was thinking the same thing....

Lol, well that (peroxide blonde9 is also soccer goalie Magnus Hedman's sister in law...who in an attempt of looking shy and decent before a performance in the Eurovision songcontest in Sweden said "I hope the journalists just doesn't write about my breasts (which are quite worked on by surgeons)"..and then enter the stage with a lousy song, delivered in a less than average voice and overall a crappy performance...all while wearing a dress that more than underlines her breasts. I'd be diplomatic and say that her comments in the interview about her breasts in context with the quality of her performance is sort of interesting in a way (the same way I can think retarded people are interesting in a way ).

But Sweden is quite a small stage when it comes to entertainment....you can get pretty far by being "nice" (which a lot of strippers and others actually may be) and perhaps having some "mentor" who thinks "you're hot".

Having said that though, it doesn't mean that I'd be for a widestretched prohibition of nudity, stripping or so....most girls living on it seem to be able to cope with it (i.e. the following consequences) and be ok with that a lot of people doesn't seem to think it's respectworthy or that it's high quality art. Perhaps there should be some compulsory psychological test to avoid that some strippers become insanely raged by noticing that some people actually talk dirt about people who lives on exposing themselves nude with intent of encouraging sexual fantasies?

Point of reason...a lot of people are good looking and perhaps nice as well but why push (or encourage) an artistic career if you lack the talent or willingness to put up the work needed? Especially if you lack the mental stamina to recieve adequate and relevant criticism about your artistic performance? There's a lot of crappy actors, sports characters, singers or other who seem perfectly happy with being crappy and half assed but few of them goes out on a public rage seemingly demanding censorship because they've recieved negative criticism.