World Forums

Funny outtakes, quotes, events, missteps, and such in the world of news and politics

Outrageous Outtakes
by Ari Berman
http://www.thenation.com/blogs/outrage?pid=2389
** First Reagan, now Hasselhof. The hunk in trunks is "Big in Germany," says the BBC, "not only as an actor, but as a purveyor of soft rock anthems." In 1989, Hasselhoff, riding his Knight Rider fame, had the musical savvy to transform the 70s German hit "Auf Der Strasse Nach Suden" into the German reunification anthem "Looking for Freedom." A German headline dubbed him the biggest thing since the Beatles, and now Hasselhoff wants historians to recognize his role in tearing down the Wall. "I find it a bit sad that there is no photo of me hanging on the walls in the Berlin Museum at Checkpoint Charlie," Hasselhoff told TV Spielfilm magazine. He did play a lieutenant on Baywatch.

** On Saturday afternoon, the 24/7 news networks interrupted their regularly scheduled programming to report on the discovery of Runaway Bride Jennifer Wilbanks. By Monday at 10 pm, with 125 dead over the weekend in Iraq, gas prices surging and the British elections approaching their final stage, what were CNN, CNN Headline News, MSNBC and Fox News still covering? The runaway bride. "MSNBC's online poll shows that a huge majority wants the bridgegroom to jilt the bride," wrote the Washington Post's Anne Applebaum. "CNN's online poll is heavily favoring criminal prosecution." We're heavily favoring a news blackout.



** During the May 2 finale of the ABC reality series Supernanny, Mullah James Dobson's Focus on the Family outfit ran an ad directing viewers to its website, which offers "parenting lessons from a faith-based perspective," such as how to spank your kid "with love." Just last December ABC denied airtime to the United Church of Christ because a spot advocating religious tolerance toward gay, minority and disabled parishioners was deemed "too controversial." Dobson, however, who calls Roe v. Wade the "biggest holocaust in world history" and recently compared the Supreme Court to the Ku Klux Klan, apparently falls well within the bounds of reasonable discourse.

** Director Ridley Scott should've known better than to make a film about the Crusades. While filming The Kingdom of Heaven in Morocco, Scott received death threats from Muslim radicals after accepting troops from King Muhammad VI's royal bodyguard. Now Christian conservatives are threatening to boycott his film on the 12th century battle between Muslims and Christians for Jerusalem, even though Scott held a special screening for Christian journalists and hired a PR agency that markets "troublesome" films to Christian communities. "Most of the crusaders are driven by greed rather than piety," said one shocked reviewer. "This is not how Christians I know see each other." We wonder how many Christians the reviewer knows who have tried to invade Jerusalem? On second thought, maybe we're better off not knowing.

** Breaking news: Geraldo wants a trade. After being dumped to the weekend line-up on Fox News, Geraldo told the Atlantic Monthly: "I could go to the lamest cable network, I could go to Court TV, I could go to Trio, I could go to Bravo--make one up, and I know my show will do respectably against the competition." Unfortunately, the run-Osama-run-Geraldo's-got-a-gun days may be nearing an end. "In a sense, I'm like a franchise ball player at the end of my career. I'm like Randy Johnson or Roger Clemens. That's who I identify with: Old guys who can still throw 95-mile-an-hour fast balls." What about journalists who crow about patriotism and then reveal secret US troop placements in Iraq?

We Can All Sleep Safer Tonight
by Reg Henry
http://www.capitolhillblue.com/artman/p ... 6704.shtml
From Texas comes news that the state House has passed a bill to take the rah-rah out of "overtly sexually suggestive" cheerleading.

There is only one meaning to be taken from this development: That most social ills have been eliminated in the Lone Star State and now lawmakers can concentrate on curbing the indecent use of pompoms.

Quite right, too! There is nothing worse than going to a sporting event and being distracted away from the good, clean violence. Why, if overt cheerleading wasn't so American, it would be un-American.

Don't get me wrong: I love cheerleading. However, I will say that as I grow older, and the girls look more like my daughter, I cannot appreciate it with the same enthusiasm I once did. I find that I must avert my eyes lest a blush come over my wizened features.

From the perspective of one living in Pennsylvania, Texas is a place to be envied. Here in the North, we continue to be mired in more traditional problems _ ones that do not require the close official inspection of young women in order to determine whether unlawful acts of cheerleading have been committed.

Spitefully, many people in this region do not share an exalted view of Texas because it is where our aw-shucks president first won his spurs. Not me. I take it as an inspiration. Any state that embraces a cowboy born in New Haven, Conn., and raises him up to national prominence by virtue of his folksy charm and one or two simple thoughts is OK with me.

Indeed, the one occasion I visited Texas I had a swell time. The people are very modest and they will tell you so at great length. The gals, in particular, have wonderful accents; it sounded to my bashful ears as if honey were being poured down my ear holes. I found the lilt of their voices enchanting, even if my ears did get sticky and attract bees.

I can see why Texas lawmakers would want to put the clamps _ or is it burkas? _ on their cheerleaders. With their seductive melodic chants and nifty moves, they might unleash the birds and the bees both. Why, innocent young fellows in the stands could be provoked to un-football-like thoughts.

The problem, as I see it, is knowing where to draw the line. One person's sexually suggestive cheerleading is another person's nimble athletic maneuver. A good Christian cheerleader, dressed demurely head to toe in an overcoat, must still overcome the paradox that she is a young woman leaping around in front of a bunch of guys. This is not her fault, of course, and she is not to be blamed that she did not take up field hockey.

Still, tasteful cheerleading is a fine line to dance, and it would be a terrible tragedy if a faith-based pep squad were caught up in any sanction aimed at heathen vixens.

Although the proposed law is not now harsh on cheerleaders, as it goes through the legislative process it is entirely possible that it might be toughened up in the traditional Texan way just for the fun of offending liberals. Personally, I think 99 years of imprisonment for each bump and grind would be excessive, even if entirely in keeping with Texan judicial tradition.

I see another problem. I know nothing of the lawmaker behind this legislation but I do note that he is a Democrat, from the same party of polecats that support the gay agenda _ you know, the demand that gay people be treated like human beings with dignity and respect.

Could it be that he is cracking down on cheerleaders so that young men, at an impressionable age, will watch the boys on the field more than the girls on the sidelines, if you get my drift? Why, if the girls are not allowed to be a little bit frisky, will our young men adopt the horrid social customs of places like Saudi Arabia where cheerleading is forbidden? Hey, I'm just asking.

The Texan legislators must take care that they do not turn it into the Lone Pompom State and make the art of cheerleading something that is limited to formal occasions such as executions. ("Give me an E, give me an X ... ")

After all, boys will be boys and girls will be girls _ and that is something to cheer about.

I loath a lot of the social democrats.